of a dog owner.

For Christmas my brother bought my dog, really me, a lazer pointer thingy. Let me explain for those of you that are thinking, "what kind of idiot buys a dog a Christmas gift?" It is on the end of a pen at least this one is a pen and you hold down a button and it shoots a red lazer beam. The dog sees only the red dot on the floor or wall or ceiling if you are my nieces. The dog is immediately transformed into a psychotic being with one goal to eat that light. It does not matter that it travels well out of reach up the wall or if it is on a person. The dog is going to get it. Now the funny thing is that it is really like the animal loses his mind because if you are shining the lazer from one end of the room to the other and continue that multiple times he will just keep running in the same pattern even if you turn the light off. He will then retrace his steps and go to every place the light was to see if it is there. If you shine the light into a closet or seemingly under a blanket or rug he will stay there and dig or search for it until he is satisfied it is no longer there or if he spots the reappearing light somewhere else. Not only that but I brought the lazer pointer outside so he could really run and run he did. I did that two nights in a row and today when we went out there he looked at me like,"Ok, where is the red dot?" He knows it is from that pen and when I pick it up he gets all excited. His tail starts moving his whole hind quarters from side to side as he anticipates what is going to happen. It really tires him out. I am truly indebted to my brother.

It makes me a bit sad actually. I think of how much I appreciate that little pointer and how when the dog is excited it makes me happy. I know that God loves us and wants us to be excited about the good things he does for us. Could this be what the Bible means when it says, "Seek first the kingdom of God . . ." The work SEEK means : to try to acquire or gain : aim at or a : to go in search of : look for b : to try to discover.

I wish that when I sit down to seek Gods face I would have that much motivation. To go back, when I feel I am not finding, to the places I know I have seen God in the past. Or to continue on a road I know God set forth and be content on it even without seeing him until he reveals himself again. Instead, I am constantly asking God what my next step should be or what I should be about. God's will is not possibly just to live is it??? Women are so funny that way. We always need to be accomplishing something. I say women because I don't know many men that are usually trying new things or learning new things in order to feel like they are accomplishing something. We, or maybe just me, I feel like I am always trying to do more with my life. Along the idea of never stop learning but it is more than that. I tend to get bored with life and need excitement. It does concern me sometimes because there is bound to be a day when the need for excitement will lead to something more than I can handle or hide. This is why I wish I would learn to go for God the way my dog goes for that red dot. I want to be so excited about what he is doing that I just want to eat it. I don't want to slam my head into the wall like he does but you get the idea. I just want a hunger that is never satisfied.

Like the Kari Jobe sing called 'The more I seek you' says: "the more I seek you the more I find you, the more I find you the more I love you. I want to sit at your feet drink from the cup in your hand lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat." That is what I want to feel God's heart beat. And never go back yet I am so human so weak. I am amazed that I can have my eye on the prize and still walk in a direction that is off the mark. God is so good to me that he has kept me alive and not allowed a black hole to swallow me up. I think I need to read 'The Shack' again.

So did I write about school? I had been taking some college classes in order to become a real adult with a real degree from a real college so I have a real profession but I am just so not in that place. I am sick of the pressure to perform academically and pay to be taught things I totally do not agree with. I also suck at meeting the financial aide deadlines and filling out all the paperwork for the government. I think that chapter is over for me. At least at a proper school. I may pursue more experience at North Heights Church or some other type of training but to write papers for the next four years of my life . . .no thanks. This is not my final answer but it is how I am feeling right now. I have not prayed through it yet and I do need to do that first.

Oliver is 9 months old now. He is doing really good. I have got to figure out his language but once that happens more naturally things will be super smooth. He does well being calm during the day if he gets a good long walk in the morning. When he is totally flipping out and in my face it means he needs to go outside and I am not used to that quite yet. He does fine if I do not drop everything to let him pee. I get it eventually like usually within about 15 min. Then back in the house and he plays a bit then sleeps. He is a good boy getting used to the grooming and ear cleaning. I guess I do not have to kill him like I said so many times the first few months. And my nieces LOVE him so there is no way I could ever get rid of him now. I mean when Elliana can even sign dog and says, "OOOOO" when she sees Oliver there is no question. :) Love that kid!!!

Hope you could follow my 'webbing'. I am a girl. Or should I say a woman now that I am 34, YIKES. Scary . . .