reflections

January 31st, 2011 represents a year to me that has been filled with both heart ache and triumph. Admittedly the heart ache was self inflicted, which is one reason it is so hard to understand, but the triumph was such an act of God's grace that I feel like I have increased revelation in a few different areas of life.

One area is the fact that God promises to be our refuge and strength. He is our fortress in times of trouble and he is our counselor. As I think of these things in light of this last year it is clear to me that in the moment of our heart ache or bad decisions or when it feels like our world is crashing down around us at no fault of our own God will be our strength. Our adviser, counselor, strength for the fight. But if we are so tired from life, worn out by the fight we insist on fighting in our own strength he does promise to be our fortress and refuge.

Read Psalm 31:

¹ In you, LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
² Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
³ Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
⁴ Keep me free from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
⁵ Into your hands I commit my spirit;
deliver me, LORD, my faithful God.

⁶ I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
as for me, I trust in the LORD.
⁷ I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
⁸ You have not given me into the hands of the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.

¹⁴ But I trust in you, LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”

¹⁵ My times are in your hands;
deliver me from the hands of my enemies,
from those who pursue me.
¹⁶ Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
¹⁷ Let me not be put to shame, LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and be silent in the realm of the dead.
¹⁸ Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

¹⁹ How abundant are the good things
that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
on those who take refuge in you.
²⁰ In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from all human intrigues;
you keep them safe in your dwelling
from accusing tongues.

²¹ Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed me the wonders of his love
when I was in a city under siege.
²² In my alarm I said,
“I am cut off from your sight!”
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.

²³ Love the LORD, all his faithful people!
The LORD preserves those who are true to him,
but the proud he pays back in full.
²⁴ Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.

The way I look at it is, that if you want God to be your fortress you need to take the time and discipline to move into a place where you are able to take refuge in him.

Think of it like this: you are out on the field of war, like in the movie Braveheart, you are in the wide open and although you have your weapons, the sword of truth etc Eph 6, you have no covering. You cry out to God for help and he can and will provide strength and wisdom.
Even a help mate and encouragement etc but in order for him to be your refuge or provide a fortress you gotta get your butt over to the fort. Get on your horse and ride babe ride!! Don't hope that you sometime will wander through he doors of a huge fortress. NO you have to be intentional about getting your time and opening your Bible in order to take full advantage of what God offers in times of war, battle, a bit of a struggle, or even times of peace.

I have had some tough things happen this year. No one died but at work I have been challenged big time and even in relationships, that is the self inflicted heart ache I was talking about, at the beginning of the year. Wow, reading my diary was so depressing. Why God bestowed on me the gift of Scott I have no idea. God is SO good to me. I wish you could all meet him. He is pretty amazingly wonderful.

Even as we are starting some pre marriage work I just have to keep reminding myself that God is my source and there will be hard times, in addition to the challenges we have already encountered, that will prove to be only resolvable or solvable by the grace of God in a place of his peace and rest. I assume that if I can stay in that place the conflict won't feel quite so painful. I can only try.

I encourage you this year, and I will try to remember and practice my own advice, to remember to get into that fortress sooner than later when things come up. Don't try to battle alone. It may work but you will end up wounded and a perfect target for another attack from the enemy. God wants us to grow up through hard times but remember he only gives you what he knows you are strong enough to endure. AND he gives you all the tools you need, pick them up. AND he gives you a place to rest in the midst of it, get in there . . . and I think you will find that you are a different, better, person at this time next year. That is my hope anyway . . . each year a marked change into a closer reflection of God.

Pray that, right now, over your life and over the lives of the ones you love.

God hears you.

Now go live righteously!!

of Me.

So I met this great guy this last summer and we are planning to get married by the end of next summer. I know it is a bit fast but even with the rough edges I am sure he is my number two. (Remember God is always your number one, right??) And with my jagged edges he says I am his.

This man, Scott, blesses my life in so many different ways. He is patient with me and for those of you that don't know me that well, I need all the patients I can get from someone. We have figured this out about our relationship; I have a short fuse and he is a bit sensitive. Wow, that is such an understatement about me. There are days that I am pretty sure it is illegal for me to get out of bed for all the people I will snap at. So here is an example of what happens in my head. Yesterday I left work early because I was not feeling well. I went home and tried to rest a midst the laundry and the Christmas crafts I wanted to get done. Anyway, Scott came around 4:30 because we, for date night, were meeting some friends of his in Egan, a good 40 min drive. As I am thinking about getting up out of my recliner where I was resting Scott came over and sat on the side of the chair half on me half on the chair. It was nice until he for some reason held up his hand and sticks the peace sign in my face. When I say in my face I mean like two inches, literally, from my nose. I have issues with things in my face, admittedly a bit extreme but still. So I ask him to stop. Then he fingers my pendant and lifts it up to look at it so again in my face. Irritated, I can't take it so I get up to get ready. We leave and he is driving. He drives really slow in my opinion, and he is a consistent talker so he doesn't pay super close attention. Me on the other hand, drive fast and like to get where I'm going. It is less about the drive than about the arrival for me is what I'm saying. Opposite for him or at least the drive is equally important. With my belly still churning, I sit in the passenger seat with an endless internal dialogue about if he would stop talking he would notice that he is driving really close to the line and the other cars and he is weaving and might miss the exit and we are going to be late and these people better be worth it and why am I here anyway and I just want to sleep etc. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

He has never had an accident. Me?? Yeah a few :) Tickets: my fair share.

Why can't I just settle down and let us enjoy a ride together? I guess it has something to do with my personality but also because I have not had to just keep my mouth shut that often. I have one friend that drives super slow but for the most part I drive when we are going somewhere. A funny side note: I took the Meyers Briggs personality test and under the description of me is that I expect that people understand what I am saying. When I give instruction or when I voice an opinion etc. people with my personality tend to think that people should understand and agree. Wow, could that be farther from the truth? Especially the way I was raised with all my very specific ideas and view points. So there are lots of situations where I am finding I am having this internal dialogue and I know that it is good for me even though it feels like I am fighting with myself each time. Maybe this is how holiness feels.

My dad reminded me again that marriage is about holiness not happiness. I have heard that before but for obvious reasons it is having more of an impact on me now that I am getting so much closer to the "holiness" factor. I am happy for it and look forward to spending my life with Scott but I know it will be hard. Not because he is not a man with high character, he is defiantly that but because I am so strong willed.

I think of the verse: Be transformed by the renewing of your mind . . .

Romans 12:2

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I have a feeling this is going to be a major part of the next chapter in my life. The transforming my mind part. I look forward to it with careful anticipation.

We are also doing a financial class by Dave Ramsey. It is tough but if we want to "change our family tree" we need to live now like no one else, not spending anything, so that later we can live like no one else with security and peace. It will all pay off in the long run but trying to pay for a wedding while trying to pay off school debt and a mortgage is not easy. And did I mention? I'm not getting any younger . . . :) Also, not having purchased a piece of clothing in like 4 months is not a problem for most people but for me it is not my MO. Usually right about now I am fitting in to the statistics that most "Christmas shopping" trips yield a little something for the purchaser as well as her family and friends. I not only have not gotten myself anything but I have been very good to use sales to get good deals. I suppose on some level it feels good but mostly I am fighting with self pity. I get sick of not having money for date night or having to rethink Redbox. Can you imagine??? Rethink Redbox, yes I just said that. We have used Dave Ramsey as a verb these days instead of a proper noun. We say, "we will need to Dave Ramsey that . . ." Theater tickets or whatever we need to save for. It has drawn us closer because we are using each other as a resource like we combine our laundry money or some food and I have needed help with all the numbers because it is a bit overwhelming for me but I think in general we are doing pretty good.

Anyway, my plan is to be a completely different person next year at this time. Hopefully a wife and hopefully at least half out of debt. It will be great! Oh and did I mention a ton holier . . . hopefully. If I get better and not bitter.

God you will have to help me with that.

of a thankful American.

Today is Veterans day. 11-11-11 to be exact.

I have been thinking about how to honor the vets that I know and it is an almost impossible task to express how much we have to be thankful to them for.

I was thinking about who else would give their life for a person like me that they didn't even know. Well you might be headed down the same road I took to follow that thought. Yes, Jesus gave his life to GIVE us emotional, spiritual, personal freedom for eternity. He gave up heaven to live on earth to redeem every generation to come.

Similarly, the veterans give up life in America, for a time, to secure our safety. They offer their lives to ENSURE our national freedom. It just seems like there is so much more to it than that. They also are working to better the lives of people they have never met whether on the homeland or in other countries.

I for one have never heard a military person complain. I have heard about the difficult circumstances and the hardships of real life but not the complaining that we do at my work where in the summer we complain that it is too hot because there is no AC or in the winter we complain because the heater is broken, again. Yet we know we can go home to a nice warm cozy place and cuddle with people and dogs that we love. Hard to complain when you see the pictures of the cots they have had to sleep on or the places where they try to steel a few Zzzs in the middle of some sand field. Or even thinking back to previous war times when they had to hide for hours in the swamps of Viet Nam.

We have NO IDEA what they experienced and for that I am TOTALLY grateful.

I love to travel. I have been around the world a couple of times and every where I go people wish they were American or could live in America. Most people here in Minnesota want to say that foreigners hate America or think that we are obnoxious. They do think we are obnoxious but they still wish they could live here no matter who the president is.

It seems to me that the veterans did for us in the short term what only Jesus Christ can do for us in the long term, eternity. The sacrifice of their home, family, environment, comfort, and for some even their lives have allowed this nation to be one of the best most desirable nations on earth. In the same way everyone wants to go to heaven when they die.

Here is the deal. You know how we are so blessed because we were born here? LOTS of people are trying to get here and they have to work so hard to learn so much about our country that even the native people don't know. Well that is not how it works for heaven.

Yes, everyone wants to go but unlike the American government God does not make sure that you have worked your way down the check list of a VISA, a sponsor, paying all the bribes to get things done, the naturalization process, a green card etc.
God wants you to be a citizen of heaven NOW. That is why Jesus was willing to go to the cross to die for you. He wanted you to have eternal life - FREE.

What you have to do . . . ready for this . . . 1. believe in Jesus 2. Confess that you are a sinner 3. Ask God to take over your life. That's it! No joke.

So you could be an earthly citizen of the greatest nation on earth but you can also be a citizen of heaven. It is not birth related. There are no immigrants in heaven only adopted sons and daughters. However, it is your choice. Would you like to be free, for real????


ATTENTION MILITARY:

For each of you that have devoted any time to the safety of our nation whether only on American soil or not,

THANK YOU!!

of a child

There are so many things that go through my brain but the latest thing that has been peculating around up there is the idea of how we see God.

I was in church a few weeks ago and was able to sit next to a friend of mine that has the most beautiful baby boy. He is around 5 maybe 6 months old now. He is starting to use his legs and really enjoys standing on your lap holding tightly to your fingers. He is so beautiful, did I mention that???

Anyway, I was holding him through the service and even though he was on my lap and there was lots to be distracted by he had his eyes set on his mother. I mean not just looking at her every now and then no they were GLUED to her face. I would tickle him and say his name. He would quickly glance at me and look back at mom.

It made me think of how we view God.

Do we keep our gaze on him and not just every now and then but GLUED knowing that He is our source for life, for sustenance, for purpose, for identity, for fulfillment, etc. Do we realize that if that relationship is not strong and in tact then all other relationships will feel straign too? Do we only glance at the things that are trying so hard to to take our attention away from Him?

I have met a man that will one day become my husband. We love to spend time together and time seems to fly by now that we are together. I mean literally I can wake up on Monday and by the time I am going to bed it is Saturday night, or so it seems. We talk all the time about how we need to make time for personal, not together, things even cleaning the house. Time for friends, family but more importantly God time. Why is it so hard?? I heard a radio program that was a man discribing the process he went through with his wife when she had cheated on him and he felt like it was his fault. Interestingly enough, though I did not hear the end, he said something like this, "I had put her in my god spot. I wanted to do more to make her happy, do less to make her upset, do more for her, make sure there was never anything negative in her life. One day I had to acknowlege that I thought I would shrivel up and die without her and I was holding on so tight that she had to get away. " His point was that he had to come to a place where whatever she decided was her responsibility before God and that he needed to get God back in the rightful place in his life. The pressure was just too great and with nothing to worry about in life she had just done whatever she wanted thinking he would make things right, always as he always had done.

This is interesting to me, we need to love people but we HAVE to make sure they do not take our god spot no matter how great they are or you think they are. AND they have to walk through the challenges of life in order to learn to lean more heavely on God. We only learn through pain. Not hideous bad pain always but even if something pinches a bit that is when we take a closer look and make changes to avoid that pain in the future.

I encourage you, let's be little Michael with our eyes GLUED on the Father and reevaluate who we have in our God spot so that we can love people more effectively.

living in the Sunday!

I was reflecting on the whole Easter thing and how it effected my life. I thought about how I allow myself to live in the "poor me" rhelm so often. I compare myself to other people and they have a pretty tough life so then I chastise myself for even thinking that my life sucks. It's true I have a choice, this isn't new to any of us, but I can live in the hopelessness of the Friday. When our savior, the one we have given up everything to follow is dead and it seems that all our excitement and fervor are in vain. We can choose to live in that moment OR we can live in the Sunday when the ladies arrived at the tomb and saw the big beautiful angelic beings saying, "Why do you search for the living among the dead." We have no idea, like them, what the future holds but we know Christ is not dead, then as now. We know that something big is going to happen and really all we need to do is be faithful to what we know is true. Choosing to live in the hope of Sunday.

I was also listening to a sermon on the subject of God's favor towards us. We can't escape it you know? God loves us no matter what. I do believe that we can remove ourselves from his favor though. Like an umbrella, we can walk out from under it but that again is our choice. I have a huge umbrella meant for golfers I think. I bought the umbrella one day when I was going to take my nieces to a park with the dog and knew that the thing was big enough for us three girls. Samara, however, wanted to run with Oliver and so she did. No problem but then when we got in the car she was cold, shivering, wet, and miserable. She had fun for a while playing with the dog but then the consequences of that action outlasted the fun. I think it is similar to when I make the call to an old boyfriend because I want to go out or when I am sitting here eating white cheddar cheeto puffs. The wet, soggy, consequences are miserable compared to the fun it was. I have decided that not only do I want to stay in the safe, warm, favor of God but I also want to make the choice to live in the Sunday. It is not faking the fact that all is good it is just choosing to have a good attitude despite the circumstances.

What do you think? Live in the Friday or the Sunday?
Do you want Favor or the Feeling?

I'm gonna go with Sunday Favor.

I'll have to remind myself that daily for awhile but I hope that it makes pathways in my brain so it eventually comes natural.

Blessings to you,
Kari

after Valentines Day.

No roses, though I heard from lots of married people that they didn't want roses anyway. Is it true or do they feel like they don't have enough money. I don't know. In fact, many people said they didn't do anything at all. I was shocked!! I said when I do get a Valentine we will be busy, in more ways than one. I'm also still in fantasy land about how my future husband is going to love me so much that I will get these really meaningful gifts on Valentines day. I guess I have not hit the wall of reality yet.

I heard on the radio, AM 900, a guy say that sometimes you have to let go of something that is wrong in your life in order to take hold of your promise land.

I also heard something like: The focus principle What you focus on is where you are invested. Like if you are married, you can't fall out of love, but fall out of thought. If you think about each other and are being intentional about serving your mate then you will always be in love. On the negative side if you think about something like sex or porn and are doing all you can to deny yourself it is a loosing battle if it is constantly on your mind. You have to choose to think about other things to "take every thought captive."

Another thing that stuck in my head was that sin pulls your vision down. It destroys your dreams, visions, relationships, and life. The process of temptation and sin as demonstrated first in Genesis and then through out the bible is that we see something we want, we think about it, then we take it. That could be any number of things from a fruit or sex. Notice the thinking-about-it stage.

James says that all sin comes from the depravity inside your heart. When it is allowed to come full circle it leads to death. But all along the way we can change or be redeemed.

So as a single person, having just lived through another valentines day successfully, I gotta say that the way I translate these things is to make sure I am focusing on heavenly things. If there is a relationship in your life that you have been holding onto it is an act of great courage, faith, and trust to give it to God. One guy on the radio said he was afraid that if he did lay his desire for marriage at the cross that is where it would stay. I thought it was brave of him to say that. I think many of us feel the same way. But God loves us and wants good things for us. We have to trust him and let go of things that are detrimental to our development. God can not fill the area of a mate unless that area is empty. Empty of desire or empty of some other self medicating substance.

After all we were put on earth to give glory to God. If he wants to do that through us as single people we should probably let him. On the other hand if we are avoiding responsibility or maturity, I think I'm talking to mostly guys here, we need to man up so-to-speak and not let Satan control our lives in that way. I know lots of men who for some reason or another are perfectly happy in their mothers basement. That is not the type of warriors God made. CALLING ALL MEN: THERE ARE PLENTY OF WOMEN WAITING FOR YOU. You were meant to find a godly woman, be fruitful and multiply. That means make disciples and it also means sex. God meant it, sex, to be a wonderful glue. This is why we need to be careful to protect ourselves before marriage. One soul can only be glued to one other soul in order to maintain health. If we get into a relationship and have sex then we are applying glue. When we break up we rip that person off. How many of those relationships can a person go through and still expect to be healthy enough to become a spouse, parent, or even future leader in the church?? We need to understand the ramifications of our temptations. It is not about cultural norms, it never has been. And don't think that people who are "religious" only say to avoid sex before marriage because they want to take away the fun. It's not true. There are actual studies that show how your brain is messed up by premarital sex, scientifically, and also studies that show sex inside of marriage is much more satisfying than extra-marital sex.

It matters, and it effects more than you can imagine. Your communication habits, your thought patterns, your relationship with your future kids, your relationship with your future wife, your sexual satisfaction when you finally do get married, etc. etc.

Please be careful as you SEE things and even more careful as you THINK about things and when you reach out to TAKE something . . . PLEASE make sure you are thinking about how it will effect your future valentine.

of a really tired girl.

I wish life were easier. How much easier it can get for a single American with a full time job, her own place, and a little cute dawg, I don't know but still. Actually I think what I meant was I wish life would go the way I want it to.

My desire for adventure or something new sometimes makes me nervous. What if after I'm married I get the "overseas bug?" I'm sure it will happen but like right now I have to make the adult decisions and do what is responsible rather than what I want and perceive to be the fun thing. My Momma always said, "life isn't always about being fun . . ." I'm amazed how many times lately I have heard someone say something like "that's not fun" inferring that they will not do something because it's not fun. We wonder why our lives are not feeling fulfilled and yet we only do what seems like it will be fun to our own simple little minds. In fact, I was thinking today how we so loath being in situations where we are uncomfortable. We avoid things that are challenging. Yet isn't that how we grow, how we prove to ourselves that we are capable of the hard things. That when push comes to shove we will stand firm and have a strong character and shove back? Shove back, this week to me means having enough inner strength and trust in God to humble myself, keep my mouth shut and not get fired. Shove back, when my flesh wants something so bad and I need to use the sheer power of thought to talk myself off the ledge, of chocolate that is. I'm fasting with the Awaken 21 crew. Or even the phone call I want to make. I was watching Lord of the Rings and I was struck again how there are so many similarities that can be drawn between that movie and life. When Frodo is the most scared he puts the ring on but then he is visible to the evil eye of Saudon. It feels like that bit of sin in my life that when I engage it then that is when the powers of Satan know I am at my weakest. It is then that I need to lean on my friends, or read scripture, or listen to music, or pray. In the worst moment when the demon from the old world comes and rears it's head like the fellowship of the ring we can look to Jesus, or in their case, Gandolf, for the answer and I'm pretty sure Jesus will have a similar response, "RUN!!!"

Calling on the name of the Lord is not like the magic 8 ball. We still need to make the choice not to stand and be effected by the evil even if it is the sinful desires inside of us. James was really sparing no ones feelings when he said, ". . . each of you is tempted when you are dragged away by your own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

During the Awake worship time the leader stressed the fact that we need to be watching what we allow to enter our mind through our eyes, ears, and even our thoughts. We have got to stop listening to music that promotes sex, cheating, drinking, and all the other "fun" things of the world. We have got to stop promoting T.V. shows that perpetrate sinful life styles that are killing not only the moral standard we are trying to uphold but also the people that are choosing them. We need to be more accountable for the words that come out our mouths. That is the complaining, back biting, swearing, etc. This is such a challenge to me since it seems like every TV show has trash in it. Every conversation at work is rehearsing how many days are left until we can get out of there. The truth is people don't want to hear your positive chipper self, bouncing down the hall. But when the time comes they will miss you. I guarantee it.

Let's set a higher standard for ourselves. Let's try to "set ourselves apart" like the bible instructs. Let's spread the aroma of Christ this week where ever we go. After all we really don't have that much to complain about at least I don't being a single American with a full time job, her own place, and a little cute dawg ;)