Hard truth

Many people have told me to stop wishing the hubs was different and just accept what it is. One lady told me it took 35 years before her husband really fell in love with Jesus. Oh God, that seems like so much wasted time! What good is patience if you are almost dead before you use it?

I realized today that one reason I am holding on so tight to the idea of a God fearing totally sold out husband is that I think that is what God wants. It is what I have dreamed about my whole life. If I give up on what I'm hoping for then it means my dream is dead and God is not going to come through in this. I mean right now my future is bleak. If I have no hope how much more bleak could it get?

As Christians we want to have unity in marriage. We want to be about the same purpose and that to influence our world for good. We want to be working toward the same goal of rearing God fearing children that know they are loved by not only us but by the God of the universe. We want to be a team accomplishing great things for the kingdom. Motivated by our love for God. We, christians, statistically are more fulfilled in life, love (literally better sex lives), and have a more positive outlook on life.

If he doesn't join me on this adventure, then I'm alone. I don't want to be alone. I've never wanted to be alone.

I can't crawl into the cage he has put himself in and join him because he isn't doing anything, or going anywhere. I will literally shrivel up and die.

I also have been wondering how much of this is Kari drama and how much is real. I know that marriage for your regular Joe is very difficult. Maybe mine is just normal. Well, I was hanging out with a friend this last weekend and she mentioned that when she was single she was pretty independent and she never thought that she would be that person that would miss her spouse when they were apart from each other. That is what she is experiencing in her marriage. Literally, she said she feels like a part of her is absent when they are not together. Not in a sit on the floor rocking kind of way but a healthy he is my other half kind of way.

I have never felt that. Quite the opposite actually.

So what do I do?
I suppose when I figure it out I'll let you know.