Selfish Singles

This blogging thing turns me on. Now that the world needs my thoughts but it is fun to share.

Here is my new thing: Single people today are so different then it seems they were in past generations. I feel this pressure to be on top of all the celebrity news, know about all the current episodes of all the trash on TV. I watched a new sitcom tonight and in it a girl has had amnesia. The whole episode was about the fact that she could not remember what it was like to have sex. She was “a virgin”. All the people in her life then set out to make her a “real woman” again. One friends said, “so much of who you are is sex and until you know that you are a child! You are an adult not a child. Just think if while you are having sex all your memories come back to you.” I realize they were totally over doing it but the message still remains. You are not a real, living-out-loud, woman until you have had sex. I, by no means, am expected to “waste” free time doing anything that would help or serve someone else. I think that especially the older women get that it’s supposed to be all about us. We need to be sassy single women proud to be who we are and not hindered by anything. I feel like a better way to say this is that we are supposed to be women who sleep around (have fun), are man eaters who don’t need men for anything other than a good time between the sheets. We need to be dressed in the latest style and command attention as we walk down the street or into a room. After all we are single women, world take note!


Why do we insist on being so selfish and act like our lives are the most important? Why do we gag when people ask us to baby-sit? Why do we cringe at wedding showers or why does our blood run cold at the thought of a baby shower?

Could it be that it reminds us of what we do not have? Or are we as Christian women totally buying into what the world tells us we should be? I wonder if we see the time as useless since it is time spent with a group of women instead of the opportunity of there being single guys there. Personally, I can be pretty sure there will be some comment about me. Either my singleness or my size that will cause my life situation to be painfully obvious and remind me of what I do not have once again. How to handle the situation when someone asks when you are due???? I say, “I’m not pregnant just fat.” they get all embarrassed, it is just not a good thing. So it is like running interference the whole time. I went to visit a friend in the hospital who had had a baby the night before. I went with my skinny sister and her tiny friend. To her credit the girl that had just given birth was smaller than me. She was wearing a tank top with the snap down bra section for breast-feeding and sweat pants with her post delivery belly hanging out. I had on jeans and a t-shirt and was sitting on the bed with the three little girls who were playing there so the moms could talk. The doctor walked in and asked me how the delivery went the night before. I said, “That would be her.” And pointed to the new mother. It was just yucky and that happens to me. I wonder if it happens to normal people. I fully realize that I am not normal, that goes without saying. However, I just wonder why people have to ask when I am due or things like that. Really?! Is it necessary information?

Here is part of the thing. People in today’s culture have been conditioned to be on the ready when they hear things that might be an insult. We need to grow a thicker skin. After all isn’t it God who gives us our identity? Isn’t it him who created us perfectly and plans our steps? It is he who ordained everyday of our lives before one came to be. In light of that, I prey thee, give these old ladies some grace. I know that these older women were not raised in an age where there were single 30 something’s around all the time. The truth is that they are just trying to be nice and start conversation. I think that one of the widest generation gaps in the boomers to the Xers. Things are So different. However, we are all Christians. We need to live by grace. That means many different things but one application for me it to not internalize the “hate”. I need to deal with grace the comments of folks who just haven’t mastered the filter between the brain and the tongue. I struggle with that myself all to often. Who am I to just decide that those people are not worth my time? So often I have to remind myself that the Bible teaches to be a living sacrifice. So on my drive to yet another baby shower I tell myself that. I need to love people and teach them how to love me and other single people. Can’t we just all get along??
One last thing, to all you married people, please understand that no matter how old we get there will always be more criteria than singleness that our future mate needs to satisfy. Oh, and one more thing . . . we don’t know why we are not married, so don’t ask! Even if we knew we wouldn’t tell you.