Why me?????

Desperate times call for desperate measures” It is a statement that we have all heard but for me it is taking new meaning.

I have recently returned to America, as some of you know, and I have been searching for a church body to belong to. I have been unsuccessful in my search. I do not know why but I am with increased frequency thinking it is because God has a plan that he wants me to be a part of and through the searching he is revealing himself and his purpose for me. I do not feel anymore close to the “answer” though I know He is doing something. Today I went to a very small church that is in north Minneapolis. The people are genuine and work seems to be authentic. Yet there were less than 15 people in the congregation. Numbers are NOT the important issue here. I am just wondering why people insist on presenting a “service” when there are very few not-yet Christians that are attracted to that. I also have seen the “church” try to present a more appealing product by having services that are labeled ‘seeker services’ or ‘seeker friendly.’ How thick the walls on our box must be that prohibit the expansion beyond it’s boarders.
Anyway, back to me. I just daily am wondering what the heck I was placed on this earth for right now. Do not mistake; God knows exactly who you are and what personality, talents, etc He gave you and knew right where, in time you needed to be in order to 1. Further the kingdom of God. 2. Give him glory and 3. Fulfill his purpose for you.

So here I am feeling a bit like a floundering fish on the shore, wanting to have clear direction. I do not feel like I am getting that but what is it that God needs from me in order to use me?? We all know the answer to that; clean hands and a pure heart. We need to be willing to be used. In Psalm 135:15- it says, “ the idols of the nations are silver and gold, made by human hands. The have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but cannot see. They have ears, but cannot hear, nor is there breath in their mouths. Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them.” So if we decide to make God our god we will be like Him and if we decide to make other things our god then we will become like that thing. Awesome and scary at the same time isn’t it? So this is how I apply this to my life. In my desperation I am driving around asking God to reveal even a bit of the plan for me. Weather that be buying a house downtown and effecting a neighborhood with international occupants or buying a storefront in order to establish a place where Christ can be glorified that is frequented by not-yet believers. Whatever it might be I just need Him to give me a vision, of something!! He is saying: Be still and know that I am God. If God is in me, I allow him to work through me and I am the aroma of him. Then daily how can I do anything but be a messenger for him. People will see, they will notice, they will be impacted by the God of the universe everyday. Is that big enough for me or am I unsatisfied with that? I need to learn to be content in all things. Even if it is a day that seems to be without direction. I need to be faithful to my God who is my sufficiency. Praise God please do that in me . . .