Friends with kids, are they really our friends anymore??
What is the definition of a friend? My opinion is that it is someone who cares about you, looks out for your best interests, invests time in your life, checks in every now and then. Really, when someone has a kid, they have so much to do. Not only are they usually loosing a lot of sleep but they are still maintaining their marital relationship that can take a pretty big hit when a kid comes along. Many things, and I think that single friends understand that but growing old as a single person is a lonely business. I found that the 4 through the 8th year out of college were my marriage years. I had around 8 weddings a summer and a few scattered in between. Now 3 to 4 years after that are the reproductive years. I do not have nearly the number of baby showers but more baby showers than weddings. Oh, and the weddings I am invited to are for people an average of 10 years younger than me. Yeah, PLEASE let me celebrate your union. It is hard for me to have a good attitude about that since probably one out of every 4 weddings I went to back in the marriage years has dissolved. Another reason I’m sure I have not jumped into anything. Not that there has been anything to jump into.
Where are all the single people? I have noticed on my faith community search that my generation is not in church. I have said all along that I do not want to pick a church dependent on the amount of people my age that are there. I am not just out to find a man. However, after some thought I figure that is perfectly legal. Am I searching bars, or dating agencies, No so how else am I to get out there. I need a good exposure plan. So that was it. I need to find a church with a huge, I HATE this term, singles group. I found no such thing. In fact, not only did I not find a singles group but also I found no singles in the pews either. I got on a dating site on the internet and found out that that one site had over 500,000 members, on a Christian site. Where are all these people???
My other question is this, Do you really want to tell your grand kids that you met grandpa on the internet??? How weird is that???
I just praise God that his ways are higher than my ways and even though I have no idea what is up with me and why he has me in this very specific place. I am okay with that because I know that his plan is perfect. I can’t wait to see what he has in store for me. I may need to do more calling to my now parental friends or even give some of them up but God knows my needs and theirs. He will provide what I need when I need it. I find that most times the answer lies right in his word. We are so hesitant to read it and find out what the author of our life has to say about his work of art. Why is that? Why do we think that we are in control? How long does it take for me to realize I am botching the deal? Why do I fall into the same traps over and over? God is so good to me. It’s so easy to love Him. He is everything that everyone is looking for. Is God who you say he is? As a Christian do you believe what comes out of your own mouth about Him?? God is more than capable to take care of your life if you would let him. I say He is sufficient for me, yet I ask Him all the time ‘why?’ I once heard a speaker emphasize this thought, “Don’t hold God captive by a question mark.” Wow, I was shell-shocked. How many times do I do that? So many, I have committed my life back to God to do with as he sees fit. To be my matchmaker and my financial planner, my life designer and my scoffer. He has given me so much and I complain and give him grief about way too much! It is time to live this life in victory and show the world that there is not a huge void in my life because it does not consist of what I thought is should at this stage. God knows, is there any more to be said??
1 comment:
Kari, you voice many of my own concerns with going onto the internet and looking for a single Christian woman that actually attends church. I was about to give up online dating as well, because I simply wasn't meeting the sort of people I really wanted to be around. Someone that casts their burdens on Jesus. I have gone to a few churches here looking for singles...and it just felt wrong leaving all of my friends behind just to go and look for a girl. I wonder what God must think as I would go to another church just to see if there were singles there.
I would imagine that He would say I showed a lack of faith in Him to provide. But I am not sure. Being single at age 34 is getting tough. I would like someone in my life, and I need them to love God as much as I do.
I do have some really good friends with family, and I take what time I can get with them and I enjoy it, but you are right - they are so busy raising their children to be Godly, that unless I have some children I can bring to play with them - unless we have that common interest - it is hard to take the time.
And now here we are, for whatever it means to us to be here. I am glad that I can say this, at the very least, you and I share the same struggle. We share many of the same fears. (divorce? After I finally found my spouse?)
For whatever else we are together, where-ever else the Lord may lead us, we are peers.
I can say with bold certainty that I am glad to have met someone that shares my feelings about what it means to be single at my age.
My prayers will be with you.
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